Acceptance Speech – Amber Smith

Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer

Ladies and Gentlemen:

It is such an honour to be standing here today accepting an Oscar. Who would have thought that a horrific chain of events could have turned into an Oscar award-winning movie.  *shake head oozing with pride.

There are so many people I would like to thank. Of course, I would like to thank my mum. Despite raising five children alone on what I thought was just the sole parent pension, her dying confession was there is no shame in having a sugar daddy if it affords your children the best possible education, lifestyle and opportunities. To those men, unknown to me – thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To my ex Andrew, thank you for inviting me to the United States on an intent to marry visa. Thank you for the opportunity to experience the rigorous and costly process of applying for that visa. A process so demoralizing I stood naked for nearly two hours while I had my anus and genitals examined by two doctors. Two incompetent doctors that still required me to give another blood sample to determine my gender even though they fingered me they still needed further clarification. Maybe that says more about my genitals than the doctors, but I digress.

Andrew, it is with the greatest gratitude you cancelled our wedding in New York the night before the event and subjected me to couples counseling instead.  I confess I overreacted but it did take cancelling our wedding a further two more times before I completely freaked out. But thank you for that ordeal because without that experience I would have never have known the invigorating sensation of punching the living shit out of someone’s face. I look at it now with a sense of pride that your face could be battered up by my otherwise gentle hands.

To my brothers and sisters, I thank you for being junkies, alcoholics, bipolar, stupid and lovable. Without all of that my memoirs would not have been nearly as colourful.

Thank you to Catherine for hosting awesome, inspiring writing classes. She got me motivated to write this screenplay.

Thank you to my editor Hilary for thinking it was interesting enough to look at.

To Michael my biological father, thank you for killing yourself when I was two because if it wasn’t for that, my mother wouldn’t have met Chris.

My biggest thanks goes to you Chris, Yes you Chris. Are you watching the TV now pointing at yourself? I doubt it. But I Thank you for being a pedophile and molesting and raping all us kids because if you hadn’t have done that, I wouldn’t have been carrying this burning desire my whole adult life to destroy you. Since I am not a violent person, contrary to what I just said, I wont hunt you down in Cypress where you now live working as a freelance photographer. Instead, I stand here under these bright lights in front of millions of people,  around the world and thank you for giving me the motivation to write this award-winning screenplay based on you, and how you didn’t fuck me up, but gave me the inspiration to be great. Gosh, if it wasn’t for your training I wouldn’t have maintained my smile while those American doctors molested me and charged me $750 for the experience. What a skill.

To all the non-offending pedophiles out there, I want to say you have my utmost support and I sympathise with the anguish you must carry around.

But not you Chris… you can live with the torment that everyone knows your name.

Thank you, god bless.

 

 

 

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