Dear Dev – Sally Turbitt

060 letterAnother brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer.
Dear Dev,
Yes! I’ve called you Dev, probably too over-familiar, but you used the c-word and wore a shower cap in front of me today so tonight, I’m throwing caution to the wind.
You asked us to write about what we would like to write and I have to confess . . . I’ve never spent any time writing. I’ve written things in my head, but never got them down, probably because I have SO MANY ideas BUT the dogs always need walking or I needed to closely examine the insides of my eyelids.
Anyway…
To answer your question, I decided I’d like to write about something that has needed to come out of my head and onto the paper/screen for a good long time now. However until now I haven’t because its about BIG STUFF.

You see, I’m sort of amazed that I can even begin to think the big stuff or have ideas. Even just the thought of unpacking them produces a quiver of excitement.

Why? Because for such a long time, I wasn’t able to think beyond making it through the day. Getting to the end of the day and going to sleep was my aim. Why? Because my life was held together by bits of fear and pain and sadness, like a half finished neglected macrame pot hanger. You know those crappy things? You know that one day the macrame will disintegrate and it all fall apart. Well I did, quietly and slowly. My unravelling years.
I am lucky. After the falling apart, I had options and help and the desire (that I’ve only just recognised right at this moment) to begin again. This time I’ve opted for a more structurally sound self/pot hanger (stainless steel so the shit doesn’t stick), although there are bits of macarame pot hanger in there too, as a reminder of what’s gone and made me, me. And sometimes I like to look at it and pull some of the straggly bits off and throw them away. To make room for the new pieces. And because I will always be a reflective, over-analyser with strong feelings that are strong. (That’s my mantra, strong feelings are strong and that’s ok).
So that’s what I wrote about. At the start I felt the need to divulge every detail, all the grisly bits of depression. But I don’t need to, not today. Today, this is enough. Today I am saying to you, thank you for giving me the space to pop my writing cherry, for the chance to test out my new stainless steel structure and for telling me to write non-stop for 5 minutes. I have started.
You rock,
Sally

 

Twitter handle @Salinafix

 

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