Genie Jim Is No Longer Thin! – Fiona Lee

Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer

CatherineDeveny_Gunnas_FionaLeeOnce upon a time there was a doll like child called Isadora. Isadora was a twin. The unusual thing about her twin was that she was trapped inside a Genie by the name of Jim! Isadora, the outie twin, was 5 and Genie Jim had been carrying around the other twin, Pandora, every day for 2 years. Actually, in the Genie kingdom, 2 years is only about 2 bees dicks past a crumpet.

I’m sure your all wondering how the &%$$(! Pandora ended up inside Genie Jim. Its quite a good story actually. Pandora was a curious child of fair to middling intelligence. She was the sort of child who possessed enough curiosity to ask quite a few good questions. She was also a bit of a sticky beak and she sometimes did’nt ask before playing with other people’s stuff. Do you know any children like that?

One day Genie Jim was out on secret Genie business. I suppose he was engaged in wish fulfilment and such. It’s a common misunderstanding that Genies only have one master at a time and that one and only master is given a finite number of wishes. Most people think its only 3 because of the Disney Corporation. The truth of the matter is that wish fulfilment is pretty much a full time occupation for any Genie worth his bottle. Actually, the angels get quite a bit of credit for wishes that are actually fulfilled by hard working Genies.

Anyway, because of that, Genie Jim, as usual, was out at work. Pandora, as she was wont to do, was poking around in her Mum’s office. Pandora saw the VERY BEAUTIFUL EXTRA SPARKLY WARKLY Genie bottle which was Genie Jims home, on Mum’s top shelf. Because of that, Pandora simply HAD to have a closer look at that bottle!  To be fair to Pandora, magical objects do have a way of grabbing your attention.

The bottle was on the sort of top shelf where Mummies put things that are too delicate and fragile for small children to play with. Despite knowing the top shelf was none of her beeswax, Pandora pulled up a chair and stood on her tippiest toes to reach the bottle. Really she was pretty lucky she did’nt fall off the chair. Fantastically fascinated, Pandora inspected the bottle in detail. It was smooth to touch and covered in little crystal tiles that seemed to shine from within. Then Pandora made a big mistake. She peered, with her sticky beak, very, very deeply into Jim’s bottle, so deeply that the tip of her nose poked into the top of Jim’s bottle. Now Jim’s bottle had an automatic, movement activated pixel portal. This resulted in Pandora being instantly unparticlised and  de-discombobulated and SKLUUURPED into the bottle – TRAPPED!!!!

When Jim got home from work, wish fulfillingly satisfied and snails pace weary, he was really looking forward to putting his slippers up on his magic carpet. Unaware that curious Pandora was already inside his bottle Jim went to de-discombobulate himself. This was a major problem because there is absolutely, definitely, only room for one person inside a Genie bottle. In a flash of smoke that stank like prawn heads left over from last Christmas, the universe folded in upon itself. Instead of Jim going into his bottle, the bottle, Pandora and the whole shebang, went into Jim!!!

So that is the story of how a curious twin ended up inside Genie Jim and it explains why Genie Jim is no longer thin and Isadora has no one to play with.

As far as I know, Jim is still out there somewhere, looking for a ride to a parallel universe in order to turn himself inside out and upside down to get everything back to the beginning.

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