Shopping Around For A Deity – Caitlin McGrath

Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer.

CatherineDeveny_Gunnas_CaitlinMcGrathDear Goddess,

Please, ploise, free my mother from her constant worrying. She gives me the guilts and the shits, and I am made to feel responsible for her mental health.

Signed,

Camille.

Dear Camille,

Free yourself, or shoot her; the choice is yours. BTW I’m not responsible for you or any of your family. Aren’t you Irish Catholics?

Signed,

Goddess.

Dear Jesus, Sweet Jesus,

Get this woman off my back! I know she’s my mother. I know I should be patient with her but in every interaction, she’s worried about something. I’ve told her about meditation, dealing with it herself etc, but to no avail.

Signed,

Exasperated Camille.

Dear Camille,

Go into the desert. Get away from your mother. It worked for me.

Signed,

Jesus

P.S. Don’t talk to burning bushes.

Dear Prophet Mohammed,

What should I do? My mother is constantly worried about me and my sisters, and tells me so regularly, but does nothing about it. Can you help?

Signed,

Camille.

Dear Camille,

No, I can’t help you. Try Rumi’s poetry. It may lead you to your heart, and perhaps to a solution.

Signed,

Mohammed.

P.S. My first wife, Khadija, suggests two things: get a life, and build your own business. That will keep you busy! 

Dear Buddha,

What can I do? My mother is plagued by a monkey mind, always worrying about me and my sisters. She refuses any advice, or to do anything to change the situation.

Signed,

Camille.

Dear Camille,

Still your mind by sitting for a while under a tree. Let your mind become like a mirror, reflecting the vastness of the sky.

Signed,

Buddha.

Dear Buddha,

I did sit still, under a tree, quieting my mind, like a lake mirroring the sky. Then my mother jumped into my lake, singing “The hills are alive with the sound of music..”!

Signed,

Camille

Dear Camille,

Then join her!

Signed,

Buddha.

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