Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER
Two brains are better than one, especially if you’re a zombie. Sophie had never suspected the insatiable cravings for brains that would come with being a zombie. But she had made the choice and now she needed find a way to deal with it. Yes, it had been a well researched and deliberate choice to become a zombie. Not the lifestyle choice of may people, especially the ones that preferred the company of the living. Sophie preferred the living, but generally their sweet, gooey, slimy brains. Sophie was you could say, the ultimate in pro-choice. She was pro-choice everything provided it wasn’t harming anyone else. She hadn’t really thought the no harm aspect through when she had made her walking-dead decision.
The zombie lifestyle wasn’t for everyone. Her family, whom she still saw occasionally, didn’t really approve of her choice. But then they had never really approved of her choices anyway. At least now she had the ultimate excuse for skipping family functions because no-one, even the beloved living, wanted to spend their time with a brain-hungry-killing-machine. She only ever visited on a full stomach; she didn’t need any over powering temptations of hunger to lure into devouring an unsuspecting family members. Family gatherings were already awkward and heaven forbid she accidentally turn one of them into a zombie as well. Fuck, Christmas lunch was bad enough, but spending eternity with them? No! Minimal amount of time with family was recommended whether you were living, dead or something in between.
Pissing off her family had not been the reason for her ‘life’-style choice. It was an added, albeit unintended, positive consequence. It was a no brainer really given that so many of the people from Sophie’s living world were pretty much brainless to begin with. Mindless drones, sipping their skinny soy lattes – because “I’m dairy intolerant” – while eating slabs of chocolate cake – “a little treat won’t hurt” – all while wearing their latest Lorna Jane rip-off lounge wear – $200 on tracksuit pants is worth it because they’re just so comfortable” – and discussing their latest plans to procreate so that they had the ultimate accessory; a baby who they could deck out in what every infant fashion trend that was hot that month. She had sat in different cafes, drinking the same lattes, made by essentially the same barista, listening to the same old conversations for way too many years. It was time for a change and only a change of epic proportions would do.
It had begun with a random flyer that had been placed under windscreen wiper. Nothing about the flyer had registered as she pulled it into her car, rolling her eyes at the wastage of paper and potential masses of litter. It was a rainy and windy day and that was the only reason she had only pulled it into her car rather than removing it and ditching it in the bin when she got home. It now seemed ridiculous that such a monumental life choice was predicated on the weather, but then again she was a Melbournian. Like the random left or right shoes (but never a pair), countless pairs of chopsticks, butter-menthol wrappers and half empty water bottles, the flyer had sat in various locations in her car until the once-a-year-I’m-visiting-my-family-so-my-car-best-be-clean car cleaning event. It appeared to be some zombie lovers’ gathering but it read just a little like some white supremacist paraphernalia that was surreptitiously handed out on the quad during her uni days. Curious, she typed in the website to see that the event had. There was a random collection of links to things like ZombieCon and Zombie Camp 2016 with pictures of people dressed up as zombies riding horses, canoeing and taking nature walks. There was a blog explaining the etymology of ‘zombie’ and why it was spelt zombie and not zomby. And there also seemed to be many forums dedicated to the argument between purest zombies and people who believed that zombie/human cohabitation was not just possible but desirable for the future of both species. Flashbacks to Twilight flickered through her then live brain. She had already spent enough of her life reading soulless monster fiction, she was not been drawn into that world again.