Your Fucking People – Eamon CF

Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER

It was a hot day in Hull City, the sun was burning brightly. No cloud was in the sky, from above it looked like a rubbish tip, and from the ground it didn’t look any different. Instead of buildings there were just hulls of ships stacked on top of each other in an attempt to make cheap housing for the vastly overpopulated world. There were hardly any buildings that were actually built out of conventional materials, only the transport hub, the recycling centre, and the town hall. The town hall was just a scrappy building with TOWN HALL in red paint on top but it looked reasonably majestic in comparison to the rest of the city. Inside at the central meeting room sat several people around a table waiting for The Empress to arrive. The Imperial General Cortana sat with her short blonde hair glaring at the mayor. As usual she was dressed in battle armour, even though she hadn’t been on a battle field in years she said that dealing with bureaucrats was more treacherous. “In all of the Empire your city is probably the most shit but it is also the one that keeps reproducing the most. The posivirus makes no need for repopulating so control your fucking people.” The posivirus was a technology given to the Empire by an alien race called the Librans. It was a ‘virus’ that immediately made humans immune to nearly all diseases and generally were healthier. It also drastically improved fertility so that from coitus sex nearly always resulted in pregnancy as well as making pregnancy last only three months. Originally it was a great thing, everyone was living longer but then the Transmitter, another technology that the Librans had gifted them which provided their electricity, stopped working. Having to use a few old power plants had caused serious issues and with the population increasing it was uncontrollable.
The mayor was smirking at “Look Cortana, we educate people on the dangers of heterosexuality, what more can I do? If a man and a woman love each other, stuff happens. Who am I to judge?”

“Fuck you we all know that isn’t how it happens.”

“Hey, sixty percent of pregnancies definitely come from relationships, at least it is probably more. Like sure other stuff happens but not much we can do.”

“Eat my fucking clit you little shit. By other you mean rape just fucking say it you shit head.”

“Shut the fuck up you bitch, aren’t we meant to be discussing the Imperial guards needing to use my city as a relay for their forces?”
“Yeah but you know I can’t comment until the Empress gets here.”

With that moment the door opened and in came the Mayors assistant. “Please rise and welcome the Empress” They all stood up and started to hum the national anthem. In olden days it would have been played but now that was a waste of electricity. In She came, the Empires fearlessly fashionable transvestite Empress. She was wearing a long peached coloured gown with glittery make up and a wig that looked like an exploded fire. Sitting down and reading the room She said “I know how to read a room, I know you lot don’t get along but I don’t care let’s just get down to business.”

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