Hilarious letter to Cardinal George Pell’s lawyers. Must read!!!!F

A copy of this letter to Cardinal George Pell’s lawyers from Phil Degenhardt was sent to me last night in response to Pell trying to sue twitter and I.  I think you’ll enjoy it……

Dear lawyers for George Pell,

It was most gratifying to read your legal threats against Twitter and Catherine Deveny regarding the meme based on Archbishop George Pell and his “we were preparing some young English boys” statement on Q&A last month.

I found the treatment of this man, a man of learning and wisdom, absolutely shameful. While the words did come from the cardinal’s own mouth it was irresponsible for the ABC to broadcast them completely out of context. By inserting that long pause, when he clearly had not finished his sentence, the ABC deliberately injected a comic effect designed to lampoon his ominence. While I would like to see the ABC themselves pursued for this outrageous manipulation of the cardinal’s words, I believe it is more important that all of those present in the studio who laughed during the program need to be pursued. The ABC keep records of audience attendance, and I believe with modern techniques of audio analysis it will be possible to identify the individuals that laughed – they clearly implied that the cardinal was a paedophile. Each of them should be sued so that everyone understands that the church will spare no effort or expense to protect its own.

Most importantly, that heretic and blasphemer Richard Dawkins needs to be pursued. Not only can he be heard laughing but the footage shows him openly doing so and making no attempt to disguise his wicked thoughts. His actions clearly imply that George Pell is a paedophile. It is time that smug destroyer-of-blind-faith got his comeuppance.

On a brighter note, I believe the church, and you their legal counsel, should see this whole affair as an opportunity to diversify revenue streams and get in on the lucrative “interwebs”. The potential revenues from those lampooning George Pell are significant and could well mark the start of a new golden age for the church.  At the very least it offers an opportunity to recoup some of the losses incurred in settlements paid to the so-called “victims” of child abuse and molestation. Twitter is probably a good one to start with. However, I believe Deveny and Twitter are just bit players (pardon the nerdy telecommunications pun!) in a conspiracy to defame the cardinal and the church more broadly. Below, I have laid out a few examples of my extensive files on this matter and implore you to cast your net much wider, for the good of the cardinal and the church and for the glory of God her(/him/it)self.

Here are some screen shots from Google that may well be defamatory. I just typed in “george pell is” and Google suggested this:

HilariousLettersGeorgePell01
Presuming that Google was getting confused with another George Pell, somewhere else on the planet, who has been conclusively shown to be an idiot, I attempted to clarify that I meant George Pell Cardinal. However, I had only typed “george pell c” when Google attempted to link his ominence with child abuse.

HilariousLettersGeorgePell02

I then started to inquire about parishes that George Pell had worked in but only got as far as “george pell p” when Google came up with this:

HilariousLettersGeorgePell03
Google appears to be involved in furthering the same despicable insinuations as Ms Deveny and Twitter but as part of a much broader assault on the cardinal’s reputation. However Google, being one of the most valuable companies on the planet, is a potential source of riches, unmatched by any the church has been able to plunder in recent centuries. I strongly urge you to pursue them vigorously.

I believe the authors, creators and publishers of the following material are part of this conspiracy.

(This is just scratching the surface – let me know if you want more material.)

The sad thing about this entire saga is that it has caused everyone to overlook the fact that that ABC program represented a turning point in the history of the church – during that program, the cardinal rewrote centuries of catholic catechism and dogma. He publicly acknowledged the mythical foundation of the bible and finally clarified that atheists are permitted to enter heaven, just to name a couple.

That last one puts the cardinal’s philosophical courage beyond doubt.  For centuries atheists were simply tortured or burned, in fulfilment of biblical prophecy. However, in recent decades, churches have taken a more liberal approach and endeavoured to lure atheists from their dark caves – caves that are lit solely by the dim and flickering flame of rational thought. They have done so with a clever technique. Churches have offered the eternal bliss of heaven but only if the atheists dropped their heretical demand of evidence for the existence of God. It was a shrewd but manufactured conundrum that has served the church profitably. The cardinal, however, has finally and courageously put such nonsense to rest forever. Of course, the non-believers can enter heaven.  He has proclaimed that belief in God is not a pre-requisite to eternal bliss. The cynical laughter broadcast on that evening must be hushed, so we may hear the true joy that began that evening: the sound of millions of atheists and agnostics joined in a chorus of “Hallelujah!”.

During that program, his ominence also made crystal clear the church’s equivocal support for the theory of evolution. After pointing out to Richard Dawkins some of the flaws in the professor’s understanding of evolutionary biology, his ominence indicated the church’s acceptance of the theory. These pronouncements will, one day, be regarded by historians as just what was needed to drag the church, kicking and screaming, into the nineteenth century.

The new doctrines spelt out by the cardinal, will surely become the foundation of the Roman Catholic faith formillennia to come.

We need to get the community’s focus onto the wise words emitted by his ominence that evening. We need to put this nonsense, about the cardinal preparing boys, behind us.

Clearly aggressive legal action is the best way to achieve this.

Good luck with your noble endeavours.

If  can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,

Phil Degenhardt

Fuck reading. Start writing. Do Dev’d The Gunnas Writing Masterclass. BOOK NOW! Will sell out.

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