The why do kids get their dad’s surname article was one I was umming and ahhing about for ages. It seemed to cover a lot of similar territory, delusion, self-deception, convenient excuses etc as the famous Why Do Women Change Their Names When They Get Married article.
(By the way Jana has since divorced and is now back to Pitman).
Followed up by the article to the article.
Which lead to this research on name changing and kids names.
It’ll be another case of me flushing the nutters, Nazis, fucktards and closet misogynists out. Had 3000 words and only as space of 700 so much was chopped out. Here’s my p.s.
The surname thing is something I am passionate about. The married name thing was about changing or not where as the children’s surname was about reinforcing a patrilinial tradition steeped in ownership. Not so much the outcome but the lack of honesty about what is informing the choice is what interests me. And the touchiness surrounding the discussion. And what’s really and truly behind the touchiness.
My children’s father was happy for our offspring to be Deveny and so was I.
As the pregnancy progressed as wrong as it had always felt all these people having just their father’s name it felt odd my our child just having mine.
So they the kids are hyphenated. My name first. No dramas. Perfect decision for us. They are told they can drop a name or change at any stage.
I remember around the time of the women changing their name article I was off to do a radio interview about it. My son asked where I was going. I explained I was off to the radio and explained the whole women changing their surname business. I said “Some people say ‘Well if we’re all hyphenated then if they have children what surname do they end up with?’” Dom replied “One name from each making a new name.” I thought, “If a nine year old dyslexic can work it out why can’t all these fuckwits.” Lightbulb. They have a vested interest keeping the status quo. So much so this issue is labeled ‘unimportant’ ,‘difficult’ or ‘both’.
Being born with an opinion and a vagina is misfortunate enough. When teamed with no fear of letting people down because they are already crushed with disappointed by ‘the way I ‘turned out’ well I’m just a walking ‘mouthy’ ‘feisty’ and ‘bitter’ bomb thrower waiting to happen. Sit back and enjoy the show!
Three years ago I innocently asked the readers of The Age, the broadsheet of Melbourne; one of the most engaged, sophisticated and socially progressive cities in the world, birthplace of Germaine Greer, Barry Humphries and Barry Jones and a UNESCO city of literature, “Why are women still taking their husbands surnames?” And I’m still having jam tins thrown at me for having the audacity to even ask the question. And worse still, to have the temerity to question the furious, irrational and non-sensical responses. Made by angry, annoyed and irritated people who either lack the intellectual capacity or refuse to apply it to reveal their true motivation to why they are angry, annoyed and irritated. Let alone to answer the question.
For every one uptight white honky who believes I am the only person who thinks the practice is sad, misogynist, archaic, insecure and unnecessary. There is a 1000 who have said ‘Thanks for voicing my thoughts. Now I can just shove this article under my conservative friends noses and you can take the rap!’
It’s so amazing all these women saying their surnames were horrible and that’s why they went with the husbands. I bet their brothers happily handed that same surname on. And if they were so horrible why hadn’t they changed their names by deed poll already?
The ‘easier’ argument and the ‘family needs one surname’ argument are just dodgy reason disguised patriarchy employed by people with no insight into their own medieval, divisive and views.
And the “family tree” argument thing just shows how easily they have swallowed the dodgy reason-disguised patriarchy and the strength of the invisible electric fences to keep it like that. HELLO. WE HAVE THE INTERNET AND SOPHISTOCATED GOVERNENT OFFICES FOR GENEOLOGY. It shows how blind people are to the misogyny when you here them talking about the family tree in solely patriarchal terms.
And has far as the ‘historically argument’ goes, see tradition and convention in today’s argument. It’s not ‘just your father’s surname’ it’s yours.
As far as ‘there are more important things to deal with.’ Oh yeah? And what are you doing about them? And by the way, we don’t do one thing at a time. Hopefully they are all being dealt with but this is just vain hope to distract from the importance of this issue.
One of the most interesting conversations I had last week was with a mate who ended up hyphenating she said, “I really didn’t care. And he said he didn’t either. So I said fine, let’s just go with my surname. And suddenly he went from I don’t really care to I’m not happy about that at all. Which is why I pushed for the hyphenated.” Get thee to a watercooler, a lunch room or online forum. If people get offended, just blame it on me.