Not changing your name when you marry? Stop acting like a feminist hero.

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ARGH! Stop wanting to be hailed as  some kind of feminist hero and pioneer for NOT CHANGING YOUR NAME WHEN YOU MARRY.

Wow! What a rebel. Fuck that. Want to make a real difference? Don’t. Fucking. Marry. And if you have children don’t give them the father’s surname.  Two articles I read by women bravely not changing their names when they marry while  researching my new book ‘How Not To Give A  Fuck And Other Essays’ made me gag. This from one…

‘• “What will your children have as a last name?”: They could have both our last names hyphenated, mine as a middle name, or just take their father’s surname — none of which I have a problem with. I do think it’s unequal that children automatically take their father’s name, but other approaches are not yet as widely accepted as women keeping their surnames — though I think this is will change with time.’

Err it won’t BE widely accepted unless people give their children last names other than the patrilineal. You shouldn’t do things for them to be accepted. You shouldn’t do thing only when they are accepted. You should do things because they are fair, right and correct.

And by the way, different people and cultures do things differently re surnames. Many cultures no one changes their names.

Look at me! I am straight, white, engaged, have a ring, getting married, not changing my surname but my kids will have my husband’s surname because,
1. It’s easier (no it’s not)
2. I want us all to have the same name (why can’t he change his then?)
3. I hate my surname. It’s hard to spell (you would think this effected men to but somehow nooooo)
4. I hated my father (so did I. Didn’t even go to his funeral. We had the same surname and so do my sons)
5. It’s just your father’s surname anyway (no, it’s your’s)
6. It’s just a name (fine then he can change his)

Many times I have heard ‘Neither of us cared so the kids got his surname.’
Never have I heard ‘Neither of us cared so the kids got her surname.’

Not fucking once.

A lot of people say ‘Well what in your perfect world should happen?’

Option A. How about we just do all matrilineal for the next 50 years for a start to begin to even up?

Option B. How about all girls get their father’s surnames and all boys their mothers?

Option C. Flip a coin. Heads all the issue from the couple get the mother’s surnames. Tails the father’s.

Ultimately 25% matrilineal, 25% patrilineal, 25% hypenated (half with the mother’s surname first) 25% hybrids and mash ups.

So over this cognitive dissonance, internalised mysogyny, Stockholm Syndrome and boy suckery.

You can’t be it unless you can see it. Be it.

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