Career advice. Two things. Never work for free. Never ask anyone to work for free. Got it? Good.

I, like many freelancers, constantly get requests from businesses to work for free. It’s offensive, rude and unprofessional. And very, very common. And not just grass roots groups, multi-national corporations.

Let me share with you yesterday’s request which was typical. Sad truth is the companies and businesses calling themselves feminist are the worst. I receive weekly “can you come and talk about women being shafted and by the way we’ll shaft you” emails.

Almost every time I have been approached to work for free, and the group tells me they have ‘no money’, after a few emails – they find some money. I can’t tell you the number of times high profile women I know have agreed to work for free and found out they were the only ones not being paid. Or worse still, the men are being paid and the women are not.

This happens for two simple reasons. Firstly, because the organisers wouldn’t dream of approaching the men to work for free. And secondly, because the men wouldn’t dream of working for free.

A group set up to ‘empower entrepreneurial women’ contacted me this week telling me they’d love to have me ‘onboard’ their ‘cause’. I enquired as to what ‘onboard’ meant and what their ‘cause’ was. After a long rambling email telling me they were keeping things low cost to ‘outreach as many women as possible’ (sounds so selfless) to ‘create a brand’ (sounds not so selfless) as an offshoot of their existing business by holding a conference at a hotel (for which I’m fairly sure they wouldn’t dream of expecting to get for free).

She went on to tell me she was talking to TEDx, the international ideas conference, to discuss event options and assured me the event would be held at the ‘most professional level one could ask for. Photographers and videographers for marketing etc etc’. I smelt a work for free ‘opportunity’ coming on.

The email explained the conference was to ‘create a forum so women can come and learn, as well as tap into a unique movement of uplifting and courageous moments.’

After telling me the speakers were athletes, authors, celebrity figures (whoever the f@#! they are) and everyday business women (again whoever the f@#! they are) who were all contributing their time to the ‘cause’ the email explained there would be tables at the back ‘for books and events or any value -add marketing material benefits’.

Value add. WTF? Benefits?

She then asked me if I was ‘willing’ to ‘volunteer’ and ‘contribute’ a 30-40 minute story of my life and how I created my ‘brand’ for the ‘cause’ so they could create their ‘brand’ in order to ‘empower’ women.

Here’s my reply.

Hi Kay,

Unfortunately, like you I can’t afford to work for free.

How incredibly unprofessional to develop a budget which does not pay people for their work.

Do you ask your cleaner, plumber, the guy who puts petrol in your car to do it for free?

Do you sit down with an architect, design a house, employ a builder and expect him and his contractors to work for free?

I think it’s extremely damaging to your brand particularly the ‘empowered entrepreneurial’ bit, not to mention rude, to ask people to work for free. Particularly women. Women are 50% of the population, do two thirds of all the work, earn 10% of the money and own 1% of all property.

You are not a cause. You are a business. Building a brand to make money. Paying photographers and videographers to use as promotional material. Good on you, but don’t ask or expect people to work for free.

I am a single mum and a freelancer. I pay everyone who works for me. Very well.

I do heaps of stuff for free. For charities, state schools, community groups and independent artists. Not businesses. And particularly not for businesses trying to pass themselves off as a ’cause’. I also donate to heaps of cool causes. With the money I am paid to work.

Is everyone else working for free? If not why are some being asked to and other’s not? Oh and just to amuse me, look at the genders of the people you are asking to work for free and those you wouldn’t dream of insulting like that.

When you ask people to work for you for free you are asking them to pay to work for you. They pay for their travel, clothes, make up, preparation, printing, childcare. For your event.

‘All the speakers are doing so for free to build their brand and share their message to empower other women, build their self worth and self esteem.’

How are these women being empowered by agreeing to work for free? Explain to me how it ‘builds their self worth and self esteem?’ Let me guess? A hand written card and a bottle of wine?

As for your claim after I inquired to a fee ‘I wasn’t planning to monetize this process.’ Firstly employing the photographers and videographers suggests you are and secondly, I’m having a haircut tomorrow. I am not planning to monetize my haircut but I would not dream of not paying my hairdresser or asking her to work for free or donate her time for exposure.

So you’re not for profit? Guess what? I’m not for profit too. Not for profit does not mean unpaid.

Exposure does not pay the rent.

Good luck with your ’cause’.

Also…

3AW. No, I will not work for you for free. 

Equal? Not.

“Now, I don’t like Anzac Day for the precise reasons that I don’t like genocide, war, rape, violence, mutilation, pain, trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, ethnic cleansing, gas attacks, artillery, conscription, nationalism, imperialism and death machines. It’s probably just me. I wrote something about Anzac Day because to me it is not about a chewy biscuit, it is not a fun day out pinning dead men’s medals to the kiddies and marching them out in the sun, it is not a bit of happy us-versus-them flagwaving – “CHECK OUT MY SOUTHERN CROSS TATTOO, AUSSIE PRIDE, SUPPORT OUT DIGGERS”. It’s about generations of beautiful boys and men – and now magnificent women and girls – fed into a meatgrinder and all of us publicly pretending it were all somehow okay.”

The Trollhunter – written by Van Badham and Catherine Deveny. Performed by Deveny. Directed by Badham.

Many people say to me ‘You must have a thick skin’ to which I respond, ‘No. I don’t have a thick skin. I’m very sensitive, I just don’t care what morons, dickheads, losers, haters, trolls or fuckwits think.’

And why would I? Why would anyone?

The lion does not lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

Much of my work is as a professional speaker.  In the questions after my addresses, talks, speeches, panels, debates and keynotes there is always at least one question about how to handle haters. My advice? Block, unfriend, delete, switch stations, change channels, talk to someone else or say ‘speak to the hand Alan Jones.’

The yearly hate explosion over my ANZAC Day opinions have fascinated, amused and horrified many. And happily for me, proved my point in a more transparent and unequivical way than I ever could. My views, that ANZAC Day does not reflect the inclusiveness of all those affected by war, nor our more sophisticated understanding of the true machinations and motivations behind war are neither rare, radical or new.

Political commentator Bernard Keane summed it up in this tweet…

The importance of collecting and sharing statistics, particularly from a feminist perspective has led to me putting together a Top 100 Hate Comments from the comments and messages I’ve received over the last fortnight. These comments will be very familiar for women don’t happily lie down in the chalk outline drawn for them by the patriarchy.  I hope you find them useful.

“My loathing of Anzac Day is not personal, I respect  the  right of  others to a different opinion.  The  Liberal  Party, for example, reckons that Anzac Day is a “repository” of the best of   our Australian values – the values of our Aussie diggers: courage, mateship, grace, human dignity, heroism, and a fair go…”

From Catherine Deveny – The Trollhunter

Top 100 Hater Comments

(Click the arrows. You’re welcome)

It’s crucial to keep in mind the haters in the Top 100 are a tiny bunch of very noisy people, often the same person from different platforms with multiple accounts. Their profiles reveal the majority are men, predominately from Queensland and Perth, almost always declare on their bio they are a ‘proud true blue Aussie’, a passionate supporter of a football team, they frequently use a pseudonym and curiously, more often than you would imagine, are men posing as women. A quick glance through their profiles revealed almost all used their twitter accounts solely for hate, abuse, harassment and bullying. It was very clear the time spent hating me was simply time off hating asylum seekers, gays, Julia Gillard, atheists, environmentalist, Melbourne latte sippers etc.

A staggering amount had a Liberal National Party badge pinned to their avatar.

Hopefully this slide show will help further illuminate the reality that women who color outside the lines cop 100 times as much vitriol and it’s a thousand times more vicious. The Top 100 illustrates the abuse is gender based and sexually violent in nature.  The lack of grammar, punctuation, THE GRATUITOUS CAPS LOCK AND EXLAIMATION MARKS!!!!!, poor spelling and complete absence of rational thought indicates these poor souls are not that bright. Or occupied with their careers, study, relationships or friends.

More naming and shaming here.

Women who color outside the lines need to know what haters look like, expect it and know it passes. As you take a wander down Hate Street it will be a comfort knowing it’s not just you. We all cop it. It’s unavoidable. These kinds of comments say nothing about the person it’s directed to but everything about the person saying them.

No, it’s not okay. But Illuminating it is a much more useful contribution I can make than anything I could do to stop it. Haters gonna hate. And as much as many of us are calling it out, naming and shaming it and employing anti bullying tactics haters have always been with us and will always be a work hazard for those who don’t Pipe Down Princess. And more often than not, proof we’re on the right track and, at times, rock solid evidence proving everything we’ve been saying.

I was inspired to compile The ANZAC Spirit Top 100 Haters by Anne Summer’s Her Rights At Work a brilliant address exposing the disproportionate gender based abuse of a sexually violent nature directed at Prime Minister  Julia Gillard and Chrys Stevenson’s Defending Deveny which almost broke the internet after an appearance on QandA I made with Arch Bishop Peter Jenson. Despite claims I took over the show and Jensen could not get a word in Stevenson’s research proved I spoke half the time Jenson did,

“Deveny’s contribution of 1,259 words was 13 per cent below the average. Jensen’s, on the other hand, was 78 per cent above the average.”

Enjoy, The ANZAC Spirit. And as you do remember these comments say nothing me but everything about them which can be neatly summed up as misogyny and relevance deprivation (and dare I say ironically Tall Poppy Syndrome) thinly veiled in the Australian flag.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. Samuel Johnson.

P.S. My Mildura performance of Curvy Crumpet on Friday which the ANZAC trolls encouraged all to boycott and promised ‘2000 protesters’ at was a huge success. Full house, happy audience and not one protester. Not one. Despite me publically letting all interested know via Mildura radio, television and newspapers I would be delighted to answer any questions at any neutral venue between 3-5pm on the day of my my performance there was not one taker. Grand Hotel in Mildura cancelled my booking on the ground I damaged their brand. But they were happy to take a booking from Today Tonight. Today Tonight exists solely to make dumb and hateful people dumber and more hateful.

Keyboard Warriors, paper tigers and furious important misogynists having a tantrum with reality every single one.

Julian Burnside and me on the illusion of free speech. Watch…

Some people are allowed to say some things some of the time. 

More here.

Some call me a bad mother.  I prefer to think of myself as relaxed. I don’t know what my kids think of me, but they call me hell in a skin suit, the fat maggot and Exhibit A. In front of the child protection officers. We love playing pretend.  I pretend to be the parent and they pretend to be the children.

Here are my tips for being a barely adequate parent. Have low expectations of yourself. And buy less stuff.  The less stuff you buy, the less stuff you have to clean, store, fix, spend time busting up fights about, retrieving from the mouths of dogs, the nostrils of children or the S bends of toilets. Or running over with the mower.

Don’t set the bar too high for birthdays. Only throw parties if they beg. And when you do make them crushing failures.

If it is not dishwasher, microwave and journey through the digestive system of a four-year-old proof, regift it to another child whose parents you hate.

Uncooked slabs of two-minute noodles can be lunch, weetbix can be dinner and toothpaste can be dessert.

Nits belong in the category science experiment/pets. 

Save your breath.  Deter kids from asking repetitive questions with annoying answers;  “What’s for dinner?”, “Two choices, take it or leave it.”  “Where’s my brother?” “He went mad and they shot him”, “I’m bored, what can I do” “Take all your toys and put them on the nature strip and write a big sign FREE TO GRATEFUL CHILDREN.”

Cut down on their sugar intake and save money by telling them the Easter Bunny is bad for the environment and is therefore no longer coming.

Don’t waste time with bedtime stories.  If they ask, tell them this one and they’ll never ask again. “Once upon a time there were three little boys and they all died. Screaming. The end.” 

Biscuits are vegetables. 

Save money. Don’t buy jocks.  Added upside?  No wedgies. Downside? Skidmarks that can be seen from the moon.

Encourage independence and emotional intelligence. When asked for help with something tricky like folding a fitted sheet say, “If you’re not smart enough to work it our, you’re not smart enough to play Xbox. Bring me another glass of wine.  And remember, it’s your fault I drink.”

Don’t let them steer when their hands are covered in chicken fat. And don’t trust an eight year old to tell you when the light’s turned red when you’re texting.

They can make their own birthday cake.  Turn two-litre ice-cream block out.  Give children one kilo of lollies, one litre of Ice Magic and five minutes. Whack it in the freezer.  It’s a party game and a time saver.  We call it the Mummy Can’t Be Stuffed Cake. Blend to make liquid lolly bags for party guests or the next morning for a Diabetes Type Two Breakfast Smoothie

Keep them active.  Play Driving Chasey.  Drop the kids of somewhere. Tell them to chase you then drive away. By the time you get to Sydney they’ll have lost five kilos.  And they’ll sleep like logs.

Save money on babysitters.  When you are ready to go out tell them it’s time for Hide and Seek. When they start counting, run.

Insects in a jar can be a present.

Saying “If you don’t do it Mummy will give you a big injection in the eye” may scar them.

Every discipline issue is solved by giving their siblings a chocolate biscuit as a reward for their evilness. 

Little boys love playing with knives, plastic bags and matches, and they’re free.  And so is swearing. Just saying/

If people ask why your children have filthy fingernails, tell them it’s not dirt they were visited by the Liquorice Fairy.

If they beg for McDonalds make them push the car through the drive thru.

It’s never the parents fault,  “Me?  Oh I’d be happy for you to have 12 mates over for a sleep over but it’s illegal and the police will shoot us.”

Remember every time you don’t make them lunch and make one instead a kitten dies.

Keep them on their toes.  When you say kiss them good night whisper, “You’re not my favourite, but you’re getting pretty close”.