I say this every year. I do not want/need/require/deserve any Mother’s Day cards, gifts or bullshit.
I do not need to be thanked. My kids owe me nothing.
I chose to have kids. No sacrifice. I did it for the same reason every woman with full access to fertility control does.
My boys did not opt into this life. We made them because we wanted to have children. No one forced us. I did it for no one but myself.
I knew there was effort and sleepless nights and fun AND I CHOSE IT. I opted those poor little bastards in to my life because I WANTED to have children.
Except Charlie who was an accident. Only joking. No I’m not. He’s just for spare parts.
No slippers, no Breville Snack And Sandwich Makers or ‘World’s Greatest Mum’ mug for me. Just a thank-you to my sons for tolerating a life, which is simply the outcome of my selfish choice.
Mothers out there upset or hurt because your child did not send you a card, message, call you or tick the box because they felt the grinding obligation of social critique, here’s a message for you. You don’t get it. Presents are not love. And while we’re at it neither is worry. That’s right! Worry is not love.
Be grateful to all the people around you. When you feel like it. Not when society tells you.
I’m no fan of the holidays and celebrations society or marketing dictates or prescribes. They all fall under the banner of Forced To Strap On A Fake Smile And Buy Crap You Can’t Afford That People Don’t Need Otherwise They Will Crack The Shits Day.
What does it really mean if your kids feel they have to buy you a present? HAVE TO. And what does it mean if you feel they have to buy you a present? HAVE TO. TO SHOW THEIR LOVE. On this day they are told to. It’s not ‘a nice opportunity to show appreciation’. It’s an insideous way to continue to maginalise women, under value their unpaid labour and promote the bullshit concept that ‘being a mother is the most important job in the world‘. (1. It’s not. 2. Firstly it’s not a job. 3. Secondly if it was why isn’t being a mother paid better/at all? 4. Thirdly, if it so important why aren’t the men fighting to do it? Any why is it used to sell toilet cleaner?)
May I suggest that instead we ditch the hollow empty, commercialized token day where people are shamed into buying mum a new iron or microwave (that reinforces the unpaid domestic labor mothers, and women in general are expected to do). Instead we put that energy to paid parental leave, single parent benefits, cheap, high quality accessible child care, safe public housing for women escaping domestic violence, excellent public housing, public schools, public health care and public transport and family friendly work places.
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.” –C.G. Jung
P.S. If you bought your partner a Mother’s Day present you are a fucking weirdo with Mummy Issues. Get help. She is NOT your mum. It’s Mothers’ Day not Valentines Day.
After writing this I read this. Clearly I am not alone.